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bad at being a “natural” mother
“She was always a natural mother, even when she was a girl,” said a relative, describing one of Bear’s cousins. Everyone agreed. I agreed, too, knowing her a little. I could see it. Some people are...
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I don’t want to analyze my parents anymore
I was thinking about therapy the other day. My therapist and I have drifted apart over the past six months or so. We had been doing phone sessions, which was great because it allowed me to eat while...
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how I want my daughter to look
I was so sure I was having a boy. I’d even given my baby a boy name, and I talked to my belly and told him he was a great son. A strong, noble, excellent son. People said, “A mother knows…” and nodded...
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god help me, I’m supposed to have a baby in a month
My due date is in a month (less by a few days, if you want to get technical), and I am trying to get ready for this baby. Which is, of course, impossible. But I finally bought a changing pad, so...
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one month old
One month. She is one month old today. A bite of breakfast pizza, run to the diaper bag to restock the wipes. The pacifier falls out of her mouth and she cries instantly. Run back. I feel guilty about...
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i am one lucky cow
I am writing with my laptop balanced on one knee, tilted against a stool, as Eden sprawls on my lap, mostly asleep for a few hard-earned minutes. This is her third diaper in about an hour. She pooped...
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bleeding time
I am still bleeding, by the way. It’s been almost eight weeks. I definitely didn’t think I had this much blood in there. I know everyone was wondering, that’s why I’m mentioning it. No, I’m mentioning...
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why i don’t like numbers
I have never liked numbers. Not even as a homeschooled kid, when my mom tried to trick me into enjoying math by introducing arithmetic in the form of fairies. (Plus was a happy fairy with a fat sack...
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i think i finally don’t care as much about the way i look
Absentmindedly, while watching TV, perpetually breastfeeding, I am playing with a roll of fat on my side. It is a new addition. My skin is looser now, around the middle, more pliable, softer. It feels...
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whipping out a boob
After I pushed an entire baby out of my poor, shocked vagina, I lay around feeling starving and relieved and stunned and abruptly motherly with Eden on my chest. She was attempting to wrench my nipple...
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i wrote a book and it’s coming out (for preorder) today!
So I wrote a little book. This is the story about it: One night when I was four months pregnant I was lying in bed and feeling like a failure, as is my tendency. This time, I felt like a failure...
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birth story (also my book is officially out today)
My little book is officially out today! Please buy it! Please read it! Please like it! Please don’t tell me if you don’t like it, because I will feel like crying and have to walk around pretending I...
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I am sexier as a mom
Thanks to a reader named Vicky (from this comment section) for inspiring this post: I figured that after I had a baby my body would be like a soldier after war, with the proud, annoying battle scars...
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the one thing you think gives your life meaning
I sang at a bar mitzvah recently. The boy was very nervous, but he did well, and it was all the more victorious after because he’d been so nervous. Everyone was cheering for him. When he finished his...
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losing my hair
My hair is falling out. A fine, sad network twines across the pillow in the morning. I am forever plucking strands from the corner of the baby’s mouth. I pull at it, run my fingers through it,...
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mom dating
I am getting dressed for a date. I have exactly one minute, because Eden is already crying. I put on my favorite silver hoop earrings, my most flattering jeans. I give my hair a last, desperate fluff...
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the Jews in Williamsburg
Rode the backway through Williamsburg to meet R for lunch, and it was bleak and raining and there were no non-Jews for about 15 blocks. No trees, either, except for a few helpless scraggles. It felt...
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sexy naked women absolutely everywhere
Bear opened his new headphones. “Check it out!” he said happily, gesturing at them. I peered into the box. There were the headphones (I don’t know much about headphones), and directly below them was a...
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window with light pouring out of it
My baby daughter Eden doesn’t know what she looks like. “It’s your arch-nemesis, Eden number two!” Bear informs her ominously from the mirror, where they are hanging out, looking at their reflection....
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what do women do all day?
“What do you do all day?” asked someone who reads this blog. Shouldn’t I post more often, since I must have so much time? And then later, in a follow-up comment, this reader wondered why I hadn’t...
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